As I sit before my laptop, focusing on the blinking cursor, thoughts are racing through my mind so quickly that I feel as if my brain is strapped onto some kind of crazy carousel that just keeps spinning faster, and faster, and faster…
Now, before I end up splattering word vomit all over this blog I need to hit the metaphorical brakes and clear my mind!
This has always been a problem for me. I have the unnerving and annoying ability to take the simplest task and somehow, someway, either find the hardest possible way to complete said task or end up caught in an endless mental loop that consists of me coming up with a possible solution, carefully considering its merits and disadvantages, rejecting it, and repeating the process over and over again, slowly driving myself crazy with my own indecisiveness. After spending a good amount of time and most of my high school years engaging in bouts of serious self reflection I think that I have finally (or at least partially) identified the reason behind my reoccurring mental traffic jams. Frankly, I get so caught up in the planning and the preparation because I feel like I need to perform perfectly during the first attempt.
This usually results with me overcompensating in my work, and in written assignments what happens is that the meaning behind my words becomes obscured by a sea of overdone, complicated and practically nonsensical phrases. Over the years I have struggled with taking my many tumultuous thoughts and corralling them into clear and concise statements. Yet in my mind, no detail is too small or too insignificant that it can be disregarded. So, for example, “quick” recaps of my favorite television episodes usually end up becoming rather long, detailed and passionate monologues. And, whenever I finally end one of my T.V. sermons (because yes, I regard television as highly as some regard their faith) I can’t help but think guiltily that it would have taken a lot less time to have actually watched the show itself!
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